Real with Rue

There is a verse in the book of Isaiah 4:1 which describes the last days as seven women begging one man to marry them in hopes of taking his name. Let me tell you now, we are living in it. Many in my generation, early Gen Z, grew up watching family members in marriages built on uneven ground, particularly in my culutre with male infidelity being something to forgive, and a woman’s strength measured by how much she could endure in the union, all so she could wave her left ring finger. I tell you now, Solomon was right; there is nothing new under the sun.

You may wonder why I sound so harsh, but I do think many women enable men’s behaviour by not leaving, including myself in the past. Some settle with the belief that “all men cheat” or “all men are like that, you just have to pick your poison.” But why must love be poison? When you juxtapose this with how love is meant to be, a husband who follows Christ is called to die for her — and I understand why. As women, many of us are reactionary. I know I am. How a man treats me is the version of me he gets. If you are unserious about me, I will be unserious about you.

As an ex–pick me, I love being known as a strict woman in general. There are many things I simply will not allow, because I respect myself more than I love myself (to me, they are not synonymous). This carries into my dating life because I don’t really like men. I never said I hate men; I believe we need men; I think they are useful and necessary, but in dating, I struggle to see what is so special about them. In fact, they say an amazing man is just an average woman.

The love I have received from my female friends is so fulfilling that a man would only be an addition to my already great, love-filled life. This does not mean I do not desire romantic love; I love romantic love, I want to be married, I want kids, but not at the expense of me. I realised this when I stopped centring my life around marriage and men. Age 22, I took a year away from dating, the good morning texts, the late-night calls, and it was hard, but it made me comfortable being single, not alone.

Now, here is the problem: the scarcity mindset. The belief that I have invested so much into this person, I don’t know if I can be loved by someone else like this. Let me tell you now — you can. Jesus is the model of love, and if you follow His ways and His views, you attract that, or you gain the clarity to reject anything that does not reflect it. Without this, you will end up craving men’s validation, which is a self-esteem issue in itself. Many people do not truly see themselves as worthy of a great love, not by their words, which claim it, but by their dating choices, which contradict it. Because let me tell you, who you marry will determine the course of your life.

Do I get moments I desire and miss men? Of course, I am a hormone-filled woman, but I don’t even keep people around just to have people around. Time and access are the most expensive currencies, and I am okay with allowing the void of wanting someone to remain a void. Our generation loves to fill every silence, every gap. We don’t allow ourselves to simply sit with boredom. And when you start entertaining for entertainment’s sake, you create a playground for the devil.

It may sound extreme, but ask a woman who divorced a man after ignoring red flags how it felt knowing she should have followed her instincts. Because let me tell you, time flies when you entertain nonsense, and I am a big believer in setting a standard in your life of how you want people to treat you.

I am not cold. I am not heartless. I am simply firm on my boundaries, because I know the life and the woman that God and I are building. And I’ll be damned if I rush the process of choosing the right partner. So, why put up with nonsense, lies and disrespect when you could just … leave, even Jesus said if someone refuses to accept the gospel you preach, dust your sandals and well … leave and like the only woman he reminds

its been real,

Rue