Real with Rue

Maybe its the post-graduation crisis:

I don’t know whether it’s the pandemic or the fact that I have just finished University, but I just feel so demotivated and flat. I look at the life I had planned and its far from it, at the age of 22. I played the violin saxophone from the age of seven, because someone told me I could add the examination points towards University. My first year of university I signed up for clubs, competitions and volunteering to prepare myself for life post-university. Now, I’m home, I work part time work, get home tired, eat dinner and look forward to Friday?But my dear Lord, is this life?

It’s the fact that its up to me now:

Most of my life, it has been easy in the sense that I left secondary, I knew it was A-levels next, then University. Although, now it’s up to me to do everything with my own self motivation, which is currently not there. I don’t know whether it is because I am having a post University crisis, which I am trying to remain calm, whilst receiving questions about my plans and job applications. In all honesty, it is overwhelming which most days I have to reassure myself that it is going to be ok. Furthermore, this pressure post university to have a plan and ideas, when I’m still tired from online exams and four years of writing essays. I feel like when I was younger, life was this magical thing, but as I get older it just seems like work, pay bills and occasional events.

Making it meaningful, one day at a time

I am currently trying to honestly live my life to the fullest and make the best memories as possible. Even though I feel like I’m 32 instead of 22, I am trying to be easier to myself. Let me tell you, it is very hard when peoples successes are more evident than their setbacks. I am moving towards resting and not placing my value on my external work, in a world which forces people to constantly be ‘grinding.’ Let me tell you now, the only grinding I have been doing is my teeth at night, because I lost my retainers.

Recently, I was reminded off this bible story of a guy named Elijah and so much was happening and he started venting to God. God responded by providing him with food and sleep. I love how the bible mentions when Jesus and the others slept because I think it’s very important to rest, mentally and physically from anything. Part of me has this view, because as a black person I grew up my dad telling me ‘I need to work twice as hard as my white counterparts.’ I’m learning to be ok, with the idea of resting not being so negative. Resting didn’t make God less God, in fact it showed me that if God can rest who am I, to constantly be running and trying to sort my entire life out at 22. This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop focusing on my goals, but I am going to give myself these couple of weeks to rest, because I know that career field I want, their selling point is sleeping pods at the office (ghetto).

One piece of key information I recommend, is constantly checking where YOU are in your progress in life. I am learning to enjoy each stage of life I am in, but remembering I still have responsibilities. I know I am hardworking and I will get to where I want to be if I work hard and God’s grace. Although, I also know that I can’t do that if I keep burning out everyday. One day I will find the balance.

its been real,

Rue.