Real with Rue

I think this blog is coming from a place of utter tiredness, as a black women in 21^st century. Growing up I was opinionated, sociable and confident, which has led me to this degree. In the eyes off some of my white counterparts, that translated as the ‘sassy black girl’. There is no issue with this (at least at the time), except when it comes to showing my emotions. When I become frustrated at a situation, you now become the angry black girl. Although, this stereotype is somewhat slowly changing. The issue now is how Black women are constantly disrespected in society and it annoys me deeply.

Black women’s trauma is always minimised.

Independent black women are naturally seen as tough, invoking a masculine view of us. Therefore, when black woman speak about their pain, its never really recognised. Yes, I am strong, but I am also human. I am and don’t want to be strong every day, it’s tiring. Occasionally, I want to cry to someone without ‘your stronger than this.’ I believe this is the reason we have such a high mortality rate during child birth.

The world only allows black women to be a certain kind of victim and experience trauma how they expect us to experience trauma, as ‘strong’ individuals. As someone that has experienced trauma, it is such a stressful thing to think I can’t be happy because I’m going through this, and it wont look like I have actually been through trauma. I realised this is such a negative and detrimental viewpoint, as trauma is internalised differently. This is why emotions are so complex, we shouldn’t be choosing how people cope each day. Black women are always questioned for their traumatic experiences and frankly, I am tired. One area that really shows this, is how quick we are to blame and question black women about their struggle and vulnerability.

I am not a mechanic for your broken heart.

In relationships, we are meant to endure pain in love and relationships or we are the fixer, because everyone needs a ‘strong black women’. The phrases ‘He needs a black women to help him’. Unfortunately, I am not a rehab centre, I also have feelings and desire love which does not involve having to struggle. Especially, because black men aren’t expected to compromise the same way in which Black women are in love. If we want a life of luxury, we are criticised as being materialistic or gold digging. As romantic relationships are a choice, I think you should be able to choose what type of relationship you want.

Theres no envy, just dont mock us.

Lastly, the jealously that we apparently have over inter-racial relationships is very confusing to me. Personally, if you are in a inter-racial relationship, there is no reason to consider what other people think, besides the opinions that matter to you. I believe the so called ‘hate’ that black women apparently have, is people projecting their self-consciousness in inter-racial relationships on us. As someone who has experienced interracial dating, I have never felt the need to bash Black men both publicly and privately to White men. Neither have I felt the need to say, ‘I don’t date black men because they are rude ‘ No that is not black men, that is your experience with certain Black men/women due to your dating choices. You do not need to bash other people, because you may not be comfortable in your own decisions. Its really sad, because the only other group that can come close to understanding Black women’s racial struggle, dont always have their back. Now to say, this isn’t all black men, but the few that ruin it for the whole gender.

It’s been a freeing but real,

Rue x