Real with Rue

I know it is the start of 2025, but I have already found my top song. It is never a fast-paced, hardcore song, but a song that speaks to my relationship with Christ. This year, I found it doing my regular Saturday, and I decided to listen to Benjamin William Hastings’s album. Whilst buffing the table, If It Wasn’t for Jesus came on and tears effortlessly rolled down my eyes. And truly, this blog is about what my life would be like if it wasn’t for Jesus. Suppose you knew who I was before Jesus. In that case, you will completely understand the woman I am today, the reason why I don’t really care about being shy for Jesus, the reason I can dance in front of Church when the whole crowd is in its seats, the reason why I boldly state my faith at work, in a bar, wherever I am, because truly if it wasn’t for Jesus!

I don’t have a crazy testimony about how I found God amid trials and tribulations I went to church, the pastor preached a good word about the love of Jesus, and I realised despite my Christian upbringing, I had never had that experience. I did change – I lived the narrow path. But as Paul reminds us, on this earth nothing is promised except pain. You see, I may have found Jesus on a sunny day, but the revelation came during the monsoon season.

My rape, ( I am fine and healed ), my daily battle of trying to wake up and commit suicide and my financial troubles by not being able to find a paid placement, the breakdown in family relationships, being crippled with the long distance to my closest friends, a relationship that really left me broken as it defined my worth. if you think it can get worse, I was in a sexual relationship with someone who I and the Samaritan woman would have the same response to Jesus about the man at home. Oh, now add in the on average six bottles of wine I consumed a week to be able to sleep because I kept having (demonic) dreams.

You see, I had heard of Jesus, but in those monsoon years, I experienced him. The thing is, it wasn’t a beautiful experience at all, me and God did WWE daily. I was not perfect, in fact, I was very angry, angry like God do you not see me, do you not love me. This period of my life made me realise that there is no formula to Christ, how God deals with me is not the same as he deals with you, every sheep needs a different care plan. However, even in my wrestling, even in my anger, God was like a loving father and friend. He was a true comforter and as much as I went to therapy, I went to court, I only had me and Jesus. I don’t say this to discredit my friends at the time, (I wish them a double portion of blessings), but only Jesus knew the mental battle of waking up each day. This is why I love that song, Highs and Lows, because in every high and in every low he was still with me, he is still God.

I often think when I face new challenges, God was there then and he is here now. I love Philippians 4 verse 13 (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me), not for the reasons everyone loves it for. I love that verse because Paul wrote that as he was in prison, locked up facing death, he says I can do all things. what an oxymoron from his current status. The crazy part is, that Paul seemed to have a good life before Christ, but faced so many battles as a result of the faith, but he had all he needed because he had Christ.

The woman I was and the woman I am has faced the same even more challenges, but the only difference is I have Christ. I am okay to lose everything because life to me now is temporary, I always say it’s but a vapour. As the psalmist David says in Psalm 139 ‘You go before me and you follow me.‘ I am far from perfect now, if you know me you know I am not, but I could never let my faith go. So, truly, I it wasn’t for Jesus, I actually know where I would be, dead in the grave and dead in hell for my sins – double homicide.

It’s been very real, (scared a bit too real but I hope this blesses someone)

Rue

ps: Let life heartbreaks always lead you to the one who heals