Real with Rue

I have a house plant that I got two years ago. It was meant to be a gift for someone, but I saw it and forgot to give it to them. I have cared for this plant diligently, watering it every week, trimming the leaves, and making sure the soil is healthy. Then, I got suddenly busy with life, and I just could not be bothered to look after it. I stopped trimming the leaves, and most importantly, I stopped watering my plant, and it started to die. I would wake up and see it beside my bed. I knew it needed watering, but weeks passed, and it was an overcast of brown and yellow leaves laid perfectly on top of the soil in the vase. My plant was dying.

This plant story is true, but it also describes the six weeks I went through life ‘without’ Jesus, in years. I can only say it started after the best time of my life; God answered my prayers. Then, I started to get busy with work and life and neglected my quiet time with the Holy Spirit. Slowly, I started to enjoy things in the world more than I did Jesus. I stopped going to church as much—not because I didn’t want to, but because it felt so far (and it is, but usually, I don’t feel how far it is). Then, I stopped praying as frequently and could no longer hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, which brings conviction. I won’t go into detail, but I fell back into my old patterns, and the worst part is I didn’t feel guilty, but I felt guilty. Let me explain this oxymoron: I love God, for who he is, but obedience and the weight of the cross were so heavy, and I just felt like I couldn’t go back; it was too much that I did. I knew I could, but I also realised I liked the things of the world, but they didn’t fill me up, and I had tasted Jesus, who did fill me up. The crazy part is, I wanted to run back to God, but I had no energy to do it. I kept screaming for God to get me out of this funk. I remember crying to my pastor, saying how guilty I felt, and he reassured me that the Christian faith is a journey.

So how did I climb back? God gave me amazing friends.

I have always emphasized the NEED for a community where you can be honest and real. They allowed me to be honest and relayed their own struggles. In fact, it was the night that one friend sat in the car with me and rebuked every lie that the enemy had planted. I went home, journaled my honest thoughts, and read my Bible. I started slow and steady, bit by bit, and went back to setting alarms for prayer. I am definitely in a better place, but still healing from the damage that six weeks without obedience can do.

The biggest lesson I want everyone to take from this is, “be on guard, (and guard your heart),” because my physical eyes saw what looked good, but my spiritual eyes recognised this was dangerous. It is easy to get busy but put God in your busy so you don’t stumble all the way down like I did.

It’s been real,

Rue.

ps: If you are wondering how my plant is doing, luckily the roots were strong, I had to trim a lot of leaves, but it is producing new leaves now.