Growing up in a Christian household I knew about God, I read my bible, prayed, and went to church. But, that did not make me a Christian, as I had never had a personal encounter with Jesus or accepted him as my lord and saviour. God was like a genie to me, I prayed when I needed something, or when the food needed to be blessed.
If it fails, I tried…
Like most of us after heartbreak, you go through extremes, mine was deciding to give my all to this ‘Christ thing.’ After stumbling on Mike Todd’s ‘Relationship Goals’ series on YouTube. I figured if I really try this and if it doesn’t work out, at least I tried. I soon realised that God’s word isn’t there to stop me from enjoying life but to protect me. Fast forward to April 2019, I gave my life to Christ after experiencing his love and presence.
It’s not so rosey…
That year I was ‘on fire’ for God, it’s this zeal you get after you realise what you’ve been missing. This was until my life flipped upside down, and just like Elijah wanting God to kill him, I was genuinely praying the same prayer. Everything, I mean everything shattered including what I know about myself and people, it was like the innocence of life was stripped from me. I started drinking like Phil Mitchell, using alcohol as a crutch to sleep, and looking back I was definitely depressed. All while this was going on, I was still attending Church and still serving in ministry. To some extent having to keep up a pretence helped me have a routine.
It was one day after church when I had an anxiety attack and collapsed in the shower, my phone was at the side and and the song Highs &Lows by Hillsong started playing. I can’t explain it, but that song reminded me that no matter what, God was still with me. The beauty of God is that whatever you go through he is there, and his plan is always greater than our suffering.
People think life with Jesus is a get-out-of-jail card, which it is not, it’s sometimes lonely, and scary, whilst also feeling like I am not doing enough. To choose to live differently against the grain of this society is not easy, as it changes everything about your life even what I watch on TV. Although, it’s worth it and the fruits of my relationship with Christ is joy and peace.
To consistently deny my flesh of everything it wants is hard, and sometimes I fail, but until the trumpet blows I will always run back to Christ because even in my lowest he never left. The best part is I never ever had to earn this love.
Its been real,
Rue
Real with Rue 
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