Real with Rue

I got a question recently about confidence and body issues, and it really got me thinking about my own insecurities and how I see myself and body image. I doubt I will ever be 100%, even on my best day I am a good I’m 94%. Despite this, I have come a very long way.

Other people’s opinions will KILL you:

A lot of my body struggles started from a lot of comments with family, made worse through the constant comparison from social media. I think in African culture; body comments are seen as normal part of conversation. I remember even my skin condition, my family would give me solutions and recommendations, when I did not know it was noticeable to other people.

When I started going to the gym, it was actually due to someone who told me I was very skinny, the context wasn’t bad, but the word skinny translated as anorexic in my head. It is very weird because at my ‘skinniest’ I was a size 10 and weighed 66kg (healthy for my height). What made it worse was following social media ‘gym influencers’ who some had a BBL and I compared myself to that.

The reason why I say it will kill you, is because eating disorders and body dysmorphia is real and so is the rise of BBL. However, this is a procedure which has the same risk as heart surgery and I think we have become de-sensitised to what ‘going under the knife’ truly means. It is wild to me to think that we are normalising real bodies. 

Even the gym didn’t fix it…

After 3-4 months of gym, I remember my friend she pointed out how good I looked. I can’t lie, it felt good when people complimented me as going to the gym requires discipline, but still it didn’t sustain me. In the mirror, I swear saw a twig. I didn’t believe it, some days it honestly made me cry. It was only until I realised, the body I was aiming for wasn’t something I ever wanted from the start, my standards came from people I saw on Instagram. Fast forward to now, I’m (mostly) happy with my body even the days my stomach looks like I ate all the food Jesus had fed the 5,000 with. I still have areas I need to work on, but I focus on what I can change slowly, learning that it is going to take time. Even more, my relationship with the gym is so much better.

Mind, Soul then Body:

The first thing you have to get fit is your mind, no matter how many times I went to the gym, I still saw a skinny girl. I became intentional, so I removed a lot of gym influencers and I take regular social media breaks. My faith really helped me, as I told myself I am what God intended to be, if he makes no mistakes then every part of me is not. God’s standard is the right standard, as social media is volatile. What mattered is that I was healthy in the mind and body and I was a decent human being inside. I started walking as I was always afraid I would lose crazy weight if I did.

I don’t know if you are ever fully confident, but I know when I have moments I don’t feel great, I remind myself to be kind to me because honestly, I live in this body. Your body is forever changing, I know when I have children I will have to learn to love my body differently, it just comes with life, as long as I’m healthy I’m 95% happy with that.

Its been real,

Rue.