Real with Rue

Mental health stigmas:

Growing up in an African household, anything that involved mental health was automatically associated with demons and the devil, but part of that was a lack of knowledge. As a Christian, my faith tells me that to some extent that this is true, as everything has some form of spirit good or bad. God has not given us the spirit of fear but of … a sound mind – 2 Timothy 1:17.

When I got to A- levels and I put myself in A-level Psychology. Little back story, my head of year would not let me study Psychology because you needed 3 B’S in all the sciences, and I got a C in Physics.  Instead of going to Sociology, I just turned up to every Psychology lesson till they put me on the exam. (I worked for it and I got it).

Psychology changed my perspective on mental health, realising that the demon tales my culture had often stereotyped,  went far deeper into the neurology of the brain and the overwhelming pressures of everyday enviroment. It’s very important to educate yourself on matters, before we not only form an opinion but cover ourselves under the (sometimes) ignorant blanket of culture. This is why mental health awareness week is  important.

My experience with Anxiety  

I was really hesitant to share my experience because it means that I have to be vulnerable, but I hope it helps someone. When I was 16, I really struggled with my GCSE’S,  not the academic side but the pressure I placed on myself really got to me. As I was so young, I didn’t really understand mental health I assumed it was stress, but I would spiral into a state at the thought of failing. Some nights I cried myself to sleep and struggled to focus on simple tasks due to the pressure I placed on myself. I remember everyone admired how determined I was, but I was so focused on keeping a ‘good image’. As I look  back, it was small tell-tell signs of anxiety (with signs of depression).

The worst of my Anxiety started end of December 2019, which was brought on by personal circumstances.  I really struggled this time to ‘shake the anxiety’ off and I remember I would throw up, often struggled to breath, and even nearly passing out but I still ‘functioned’ as it everything was fine. By end of January, I struggled to get through this by myself which I had done so far throughout my life. I remember telling my friends it was the stress of placement and Uni, as a back story.  I didn’t want the pity, I assumed I would get and preferred dealing with such issues alone.

Take care of yourself, First.

First things first, do what you need to do to help you feel better, your mind is the most powerful tool and but can also be your worst enemy. A large part of my mental health was affected because I realised I invalidated my feelings and  bottled things up. However, this time because of why I was having the anxiety attacks I decided to see a independant counsellor. Honestly, it was the best thing I ever did, and taught me a few coping mechanisms and we got to the root of my anxiety. It really helped improve my perspective and she taught me how to manage with the things happening in my life.

Few tips…

PS: I’ m not an expert but here are a few things that really helped me…

• My Faith in God was the biggest thing for me, I prayed and kept scripture on my phone. There was specifically one gospel song which really helped me feel God’s presence, especially when I was at church and having anxiety attacks.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous hand. -NIV Bible.

Psalm 138:8 When Anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. – NIV Bible

• Talking to my friends with similar experiences, they didn’t give advice they just listened. They also respected how much I was willing to share.
• Keeping busy – sometimes being with my friends, gym or outside and not stuck in your own thoughts so you don’t spiral can help.
• Learning to VALIDATE YOUR FEELINGS, it is actually ok to not be ok. Not everyone is doing ok 24/7.
• Fighting your thoughts with facts – for me this was not the case, (as rather I was spiralling from things that were happening/happened). Often people with anxiety believe things which may not even be true, and I’ve heard you’ve got to fight them with fact.

It’s been Real,

Rue x.