Real with Rue

The most important people in my life second to Family are my friends. I cannot lie I find it very easy to meet people and get along with different groups of people, as an extrovert (introvert). Although, there is only a handful of people I personally can call my friends and even smaller groups of people I can call my close friends.  These are people who have become like my family.

One thing I’ve learnt about friendships is that you really have to be strict with who you call ‘friend’. I am friendly with a lot of people, because I just like people to feel comfortable in my presence, although, being friendly does not equal friendship. I don’t say this to be rude, but I say this because it’s important to guard your heart, as I don’t want to walk around having heartbreak from friendships.

I’m sure everyone’s mum has said to them ‘If you friends jump off a cliff would you join them.’ I never understood why me copying my friend had to lead to such an extreme result, but now I get it because certain friends can influence you to make wrong choices or decisions which can impact your life drastically. The bible literally says, ‘Bad company corrupts good character’. The same way people should take time in relationships, people should in take time in their friendships, before you let someone in (otherwise you will end up doing threads and indirecting each other on Twitter). This does not mean every friendship should be assessed but if your intentionally with the things in your life why not be with your friends?

Not every friend is for every occasion:

Once you know who your friends are, it’s very important to classify them into ‘boxes’. I have friends for Uni work, ‘aspirational’ friends who I aspire to be like and it’s a ‘professional’ friendship. Then my ‘Turnup’ friends who we only meet when there is an event, party or dinner, the Church friends which we only see each other at church. Then I have the all-rounder friends, which are my closest friends, we turn up, go to church, ask advice and everything in between. These are the people who see me cry and know about my inner most thoughts, they really understand what makes Rue, Rue. I only ask advice from each friend depending on their box, it helps me as some people have strengths in different areas, doesn’t mean they can’t ever overlap but it also establishes boundaries.

Establishing Respect in Friendships:

Your main friends need to know and respect the things you value otherwise you are only creating a catalyst for a disaster. As I decided to take my Christian journey to a serious level, I have realised I’ve just let go of certain people and developed my friendships with certain individuals because they encourage me in my faith. My faith is the main thing in my life, and I felt as if the MAIN company I keep should reflect this, as they say, ‘show me your friends I will tell you who you are.’  If I am honest this is the reason why I struggled to stay committed in 1st and 2nd year, I didn’t make an effort with my church friends as I didn’t want to be judged but as the more time I spent the more I opened up I realised I had made so many misjudgements. As the friendship grew so did my faith as I also had people to be accountable to. This does not mean I only have Christian friends, in fact my closest female friends are atheist and Sikh.  Despite this, they understand and respect the value I place on my faith, because I show that it means a lot to me through my actions.

Boundaries and Communication:

There is nothing more important in a friendship than boundaries and communication. I have a few male friends. When it comes to opposite sex friendships, I do believe they are different, as it has the possibility to be romantic which is why boundaries are important but it’s up to you both to communicate what it means for you. For example, I don’t get dressed around my male friends, I don’t call my male friends (with girlfriends) after a certain time unless it’s an emergency (and there is 999 for that). I personally think you’re lying to yourself if you can say that you treat your opposite sex friends the same. Again, every friendship is different, some people can do sleepovers with their Male friends and some don’t even let their male friends into their Uni rooms. It’s important to remember a friendship with no boundaries leaves room for confusion and different interpretations.

Boundaries are the best thing you can put in a friendship, not only for you but for them, placing boundaries lets people know where they can go and where they can’t. Everything in life needs boundaries otherwise you are not intentional with the things that affect your life. Even with my parents, my mother knocks before she enters mine or my 12-year-old sisters’ room despite it being her house, but that’s because that’s our space and privacy. Understanding your boundaries and your position in someone’s life is also important I know where I stand within other people’s lives before you hold yourself in someone’s life to a higher regard than they see you.

Disagreements and Longevity:

Lastly, realise your friends are human they will make mistakes and you will have disagreements.  In every one of my friendships the ones that have lasted the longest we’ve had some disagreements and a few arguments which have really been make or break. Although, being able to communicate and have a certain level of maturity can create longevity in friendships. It;’s important to remember especially in a generation which believes ‘they can find another’ creating long lasting friendships can be hard. It’s important to remember that some friendships end naturally and run their course and that’s ok, because some people are for a season for a reason.

It’s been Real,

Rue x

PS: these are my views and the way I view my friendships.